


Not my fault - Stargate SG-1

by DSabian



Series: It's Not My Fault [3]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Canon Compliant, Gen, Humor, POV Teal'c (Stargate)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:26:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22114087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DSabian/pseuds/DSabian
Summary: “He's stalling. The big guy is stalling. He's done something. Something bad. And he knows it's bad and he's” O'Neill waved his arms in a customary display that Teal'c deemed an unnecessary waste of energy before finishing with, “stalling.”“Oh.” Said Daniel Jackson.“Oh?”“What do you want me to say?”“He's done something Daniel.”“Okay.”“Okay?”“What?”“Daniel.”“Jack.”“Colonel! Daniel!” Both men jumped as Samantha Carter's bellow echoed down the corridor toward them. Teal'c did not flinch. The bellow had been expected.Basically, don't mess with Samantha Carter's stuff. Or anything she thinks of as her stuff.
Series: It's Not My Fault [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1589605
Comments: 6
Kudos: 18





	Not my fault - Stargate SG-1

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a LONG time since I watched Stargate and while I loved it, I can't quite remember the order of things or exactly how Teal'c referred to everyone. I've got it that this is set when Carter is a Major, Hammond is still General, post both Drey'auc and Ishta but pre Ryac's wedding. I did more research on this than I have on any fic in a long time, but, possibly not as much as I could have. I also watched 4 random eps from Season 4 and in none of them, not a single one, does Teal'c address anyone other than O'Neill by name... He just talks and everyone else knows who he's talking to and/or about... Anyway, if there are glaring mistakes please let me know.
> 
> Thanks go to Black_Kat for the Beta.

“This is not of my doing.”

“What?”

“I think he means this isn't his fault.”

“Yes, thank you Daniel, I did manage to catch that.” Jack O'Neill added a mild glare to his annoyed tone and Daniel Jackson held up his hands in surrender. Teal'c continued to stare at his commander until the man turned back to him.

“Ok, Teal'c, what did you not do?”

Teal'c raised a formidable eyebrow. He had not thought it would be necessary to explain himself. “I had not thought it would be necessary to explain myself, O'Neill.”

“Uh, well, sorry about that buddy, but,” O'Niell raised his arms and looked around the room they were in, “I'm not seeing anything you need to be defending yourself against, so...” He dropped his arms back to his sides and appeared to look to Teal'c expectantly.

Indeed, there was nothing wrong with the room they were in. It was Daniel Jackson's office at the Tau'ri base and it was its usual state of chaos. Teal'c had heard Daniel Jackson claim that it was ordered chaos, but Teal'c recognised pure, unadulterated chaos when he saw it.

“It is not in this room that there is currently a problem O'Neill.”

O'Neill looked surprised for a moment, but then narrowed his eyes. “You're stalling.”

“What?” Asked Daniel Jackson.

“He's stalling. The big guy is stalling. He's done something. Something bad. And he knows it's bad and he's” O'Neill waved his arms in a customary display that Teal'c deemed an unnecessary waste of energy before finishing with, “stalling.”

“Oh.” Said Daniel Jackson.

“Oh?”

“What do you want me to say?”

“He's done something Daniel.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“What?”

“Daniel.”

“Jack.”

“Colonel! Daniel!” Both men jumped as Samantha Carter's bellow echoed down the corridor toward them. Teal'c did not flinch. The bellow had been expected.

“Sam?” O'Neill yelled back in enquiry.

Daniel Jackson did not say anything, prudently backing away from the doorway, eyes wide behind his glasses.

Teal'c also backed away from the door, despite having done nothing wrong.

O'Neill noticed and threw him another suspicious look. “Teal'c, what, exactly, did you not do?”

Teal'c arched one stately eyebrow as high as it would go. The standoff lasted exactly 2.3 seconds before Samantha Carter stormed into the room holding the pieces of something that had once belonged to a Tau'ri unassisted flying device.

Daniel Jackson's mouth formed an 'O' before he picked up the closest book and hid behind it in a pretence of reading. Or perhaps camouflage. O'Neill froze as though his irate subordinate might not notice him if only he did not move. Teal'c thought that highly unlikely.

“Sir?” Samantha Carter's anger was palpable.

“Sam?”

“Sir? My UAV, Sir?”

“Well, technically, it's not 'your' UAV.”

“Jack.” Daniel Jackson warned from behind his book. Which appeared to be upside down. His camouflage technique required some work.

Samantha Carter did not say anything. Her glare was sufficient. Teal'c was always pleased when presented with evidence that the Tau'ri females could be as fearsome as the women of his own people. Almost. Ishta would not have bothered to give her prey warning.

Although Teal'c would never dishonour his commander by stating it aloud, in his opinion, O'Neill squirmed. He bodily wriggled. It was a disconcerting sight. Teal'c was, once again, glad that he had done nothing wrong. Or at least, nothing wrong to Major Carter.

“Uh, well, ya'see... Daniel? You wanna help out with this one?”

Daniel Jackson shook his head from behind his ineffective camouflage device.

Samantha Carter's eyes flicked angrily from one man to the other before she, quite correctly, re-focused her attentions on O'Neill. Teal'c, being aware of the events preceding the destruction of the small flying device knew that O'Neill was the instigator and had acted against his friend's sage advice to the contrary. 

“Sir. Could you please explain what happened to this UAV? Sir.”

Every man in the room knew that a second 'Sir' was superfluous and merely there as an indication of how aggravated Major Carter truly was. 

O'Neill winced, then tried, and failed, to put on an air of innocence. He crossed his arms, raised his eyebrows and tipped his head up. “I'm sure I wouldn't know, Carter.”

“Sir!”

“Carter.”

“Jack.” Another quiet warning from the less than successfully hidden archaeologist. 

“Damnit. Alright. Well how did you know it was me?”

“Teal'c told me.”

O'Neill blinked, unfolded his arms and gave a look that said Teal'c had disappointed him profoundly. And possibly unknowingly stepped on a a small fluffy Tau'ri creature. Daniel Jackson let his book drop to his side. His look also said that Teal'c had done horrible things to small fluffy Tau'ri creatures.

“Teal'c?” Daniel Jackson's voice was a whisper.

“Teal'c? You tattled?” O'Neill's was not.

Teal'c raised an eyebrow. “I am unfamiliar with this word.”

“It means telling on someone else. For no reason. Except to save your own hide.” 

Teal'c considered this. He decided he did not think of it as 'tattling'. “I did not think of it as 'tattling'.”

“Oh really. What would you call it then? Dibber dobbing?”

“Teal'c.” Daniel Jackson's voice was still a whisper. It was making Teal'c feel that he had, indeed, unknowingly stepped on a puppy.

“I do not know this 'dibber dobbing' either, but this is not of my doing. Major Carter asked me what had happened to the device. I did not feel the need to lie to her. She is, after all, my team mate.”

“And we're not?” O'Neill had his arms spread wide.

“Teal'c.” Teal'c truly wished Daniel Jackson would stop saying his name like that.

“Sir, Daniel, this is not Teal'c's fault.”

Teal'c gave a nod of thanks to the Major.

“Sam, he tattled!”

“Sir.”

“O'Neill.”

“Fine, he dibber dobbered, whatever. He told. He told on us.”

“Us?”

“Yes, Daniel, us. Teal'c told on us. And there is no greater breaking of the buddy code than that.”

Teal'c once again raised his eyebrow. It was fortunate he had such refined muscle control and excellent facial stamina. “I believe you have previously told me that the greatest breaking of the code of male friendship was to engage in sexual congress with their love interest. As I have not had sex with-”

“Ahh, Teal'c, yeah ok, that one's worse. But this is bad. Very, very bad.”

Teal'c took a breath to respond, but was saved from doing so by the blare of an alarm and the flash of the emergency lighting.

“All right people, let's go see who's ringing the doorbell.” O'Neill said to the team, ushering them out of Daniel Jackson's office. Teal'c allowed Samantha Carter and Daniel Jackson to precede him. O'Neill in turn waited for Teal'c. “Don't think this is over.”

“Indeed.”

Which is how Teal'c spent several days being referred to as 'and what does Mr Tattle Tale think?' or 'take the left flank dibber dobber' or, most interestingly, 'ask the snitch, he can probably tell you.' It was not pleasant.

Better that than what O'Neill endured once Samantha Carter was able to corral him. Much better than what O'Neill endured once the Major had informed the General. Infinitely better than what O'Neill endured once Samantha Carter had informed Dr Fraiser. Teal'c had not been aware that O'Neill's actions contravened the female version of the 'buddy' code.

From this Teal'c learned several lessons. Tau'ri UAVs were expensive and he did not want the cost of one to come out of his monetary allowances. It was not wise to play with items Samantha Carter has decided were hers. If you do play with them, do not break them. And that he would much rather break a rule on the male code than one on the female code. The Tau'ri women were disturbingly inventive.

**Author's Note:**

> This is where I'm at so far with this concept. There was a Supernatural one in the works, but it's turning into crack, so I think I'll make it a whole different thing. If anyone has any suggestions for other fandoms that would suit this theme, please let me know, cheers.


End file.
